


Leicester.

by Ilovegrapes



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, John is in his feelings, M/M, Masturbation, Porn with Feelings, Talk about mental health, plenty of filth with plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22912288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilovegrapes/pseuds/Ilovegrapes
Summary: I suck at summaries but here we go: John makes an unexpected trip to Leicester to meet up with Ben. They fuck. John realizes he may or may not have some feelings for the Leicester left back.
Relationships: Ben Chilwell/John Stones, John Stones/Olivia
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	Leicester.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi my beauties!<3 I'm back and this is a long one (woop woop) so please excuse any spelling mistakes since I haven't properly proof read it. This plays out during the premier league winter break 2020 and I don't know why but I've been in such a mood to write about these two!! I honestly think they make the perfect pair. I hope you enjoy <333

He listened to the slow beeps in his ear coming from his phone. He didn’t know why he felt nervous, it wasn’t like this was the first time he’d called Ben. Maybe it was the fact that he’d driven all the way down to Leicester to see him without his knowledge, yeah that was definitely it. It hadn’t been planned, he’d just sat himself in his car and started driving, 2 hours and 30 minutes later he’d somehow he’d ended up in Leicester-

“Hey John” Ben spoke on the other side of the line taking John out of his thoughts.

“Hi...are you free?” John cringed at the words.

Ben let out a confused chuckle. “Yeah, why?”

“I’m in Leicester, had a couple of errands I had to run but I’m free now. Was wondering if you maybe wanted to hang out or something”

“Hang out?” Ben questioned and John swore to himself for sounding like a fucking loser.

“Yeah it was a stupid idea nevermind”

“I’m only messing with you John, of course I’d like that” He could hear Ben smiling and John let himself breath out a bit. Banter and nerves didn’t work well together.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’ll text you my address”

“Sounds good”

John exhaled a sigh of relief. He’d missed him so much, which was weird considering they’d only really hung out in work environments before, and when he said ‘hung out’ it usually was a bit more than that. Ever since that night when they’d been drunk and fooled around, they would find themselves tangled together in each other’s bed sheets whenever they were alone. It happened less frequently than he’d like it to though. Being with Ben was something else, it was new, it was exciting and it felt so fucking good. 

They were fuck buddies in a way, John hated that word but it was the best way to describe them. They’d fuck on the international breaks and then go back to their normalities. No one suspected a thing, why would they? He had a good looking girlfriend and Ben was a chick magnet, dm’s flooded with girls wanting to get laid. He couldn’t really blame them, Ben was amazing in bed.

***

“Didn’t expect you to be here today” Ben said as he watched John hang his coat up. He was leaning his shoulder against the wall, looking at John from a distance.

“Yeah me neither” John looked back at Ben. He hadn’t really expected to be standing in the left backs hallway either.

“I’m glad you called though, haven’t really seen you in a while”

“Blame my injuries for that”

Ben gave him an understanding look, almost apologetic. He didn’t want pity though he couldn’t stand people treating him differently, tip toeing around the subject. Luckily, Ben didn’t mention it.

“Want a drink?”

“I’d fucking love that”

*

“Why you in Leicester then?” Ben asked as he poured them both a third round of whiskey. John could slowly feel the alcohol kicking in, giving him a bit more confidence than he usually had. They were sat on Ben’s comfy grey couch with some basketball game playing on the telly in the background.

“Want me to be honest?”

“Yeah obviously” Ben rolled his eyes, giving him a cheeky smirk.

John caught Ben’s eyes with his. “I missed you” 

“You missed me?”   
  


“Yeah I did” 

John felt the energy in the room shift and he knew exactly where the conversation was about to head. “Needed to get out of Manchester for a bit”

“Why?” 

“I don’t know, I needed to clear my mind from football, I think it’s slowly driving me mad” John explained and it was true. Football was slowly driving him mad, he needed a distraction. He’d gone from being England’s number one centre back to City’s fourth choice in the space of a few months. He felt worthless and replaceable, he felt like whatever he did he’d never be good enough again and it fucking hurt just thinking about it. Being with Ben kind of just made everything in his mind stand still, he hadn’t really had that with anyone else. He wasn’t about to tell him that though.

“And how exactly am I going to help with that?”

“I think you know”

“What about Olivia?” Ben took a long sip from his whiskey.  _ Olivia,  _ John chuckled to himself. She was another distraction, not in the way Ben was but in a way that meant he didn’t have to be alone with his thoughts all of the time.

“What about her?” He shrugged it off.

“Can’t she help you get your mind off things?”

“Not like you can”   
  


Ben let out a scoff like he didn’t believe it to be true but John was more than serious. He leaned closer into Ben’s space, the hand closest to Ben coming up to the boy’s chin, tracing his thumb along Ben’s jaw line. 

“I’m serious Ben” John said quietly into the space between them.

“Tell me what you want then” Ben leaned into his touch almost whispering it.

John pulled Ben closer, their noses bumping and John could feel Ben’s shaky breath against his lips. “I want to taste you, feel you and fuck you so hard we’ll both forget about everything else” John said in a raspy tone and Ben was looking up at him in hunger. “Does that sound good?”

“Yeah” Ben nodded. Their lips quickly met in a kiss and  _ God _ how he’d missed that feeling. The kiss was slow at first, drinking each other in. John could taste the sweet taste of Ben’s lips mixed with the alcohol. Ben’s lips were soft and he was so gentle, John had been surprised the first time it’d happened. He’d thought kissing a man would’ve felt weird but kissing Ben had just felt right. 

It didn’t take much time for the kiss to become more heated, their tongues dipping into each others mouths, their hands all over one another. Ben climbed on top of John and sat himself on his lap, their tongues moving in a dance, both of them growing more and more desperate by the the second. John moved his hands up Ben’s thighs possessively until grabbing a hand full of each ass cheek. Ben arched his back into John and John felt himself smile against the kiss. He loved how responsive the other man was, he loved how much Ben loved it when he took control. 

John removed Ben’s shirt in a swift move, followed by his own. The left backs fingers fumbling with the button of John’s jeans. Ben was already hard, he could feel his growing erection poking him through the material. John’s hands moved up and down the boy’s back, feeling his muscles tense at the touch. His lips sucking and biting marks down Ben’s arched neck. The boy’s fingers threading through John’s hair, holding him close as the other one groped John’s growing cock through his jeans. 

Ben broke away breathless, lips swollen, hair in a complete mess. “Bedroom. Now.”

The left back led him up the stairs, their hands and lips all over each other, both of not able to get enough. Ben was like a drug for him, the more he had him, the more he felt himself grow addicted. 

Ben laid himself back on the mattress of the bed, eye’s filled with hunger and lust, thighs spreading in anticipation. John unzipped his pants slowly in front of Ben, feeling his anticipating gaze on his body. He stepped out of the jeans leaving him in a pair of white boxers. He grabbed on to his own crotch, the throbbing erection creating a visible outline for Ben to admire. Ben bit his lips as his own fingers started moving to unzip his own jeans. John helped him discard of the item quickly, leaving him in only his underwear as well. 

He climbed on top of the boy, laying himself in between Ben’s legs. He looked at the boy’s swollen lips, the sight of him like that making his heart race. John leaned down and kissed him again, their tongues dipping into each other’s mouths. It was sensual, their bodies and lips fitting together like two puzzle pieces. Ben’s eager hips moved up, searching for friction and John could feel how turned on he was.

He kissed his way down Ben’s body, delicate lips brushing against his warm skin. Ben’s breath hitched as John came closer to his waistband. He looked up at the boy who was staring right back at him. Ben spread his thighs further apart as John laid himself in between the left backs legs. John slowly hooked his fingers underneath the waistband of his boxers, his eyes never leaving Ben who was biting his lip in anticipation. Ben lifted his hips a bit which allowed John to pull the last remaining piece of clothing off. Ben’s cock bounced free in front of John’s eyes and he found himself admiring the boy’s length. 

He didn’t want to rush it though, he wanted to take his time with Ben so he started kissing the boy’s inner thighs, sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin between the man’s throbbing erection and thighs. He watched as Ben’s cock twitched when he bit down and John couldn’t help but smile at the reaction. Ben’s whimpers becoming louder and John loved every second of it. 

“J-John...please”

It was all the needed to hear. He grabbed on to the left backs hard base and guided it to his mouth. He wet his lips before taking the tip in, almost moaning at the feeling, reveling in pleasuring the boy with his tongue. He started out slow of course, making out with the tip, getting Ben worked up. Playing with the saliva and precum, alternating between his tongue and fist. Reducing Ben into a moaning mess. John licked long stripes up and down his length, making Ben’s cock twitch against his tongue. The boys moans filling up the room making spurring John on even moan. 

Never would he have thought that he’d be sucking Ben Chilwell off in his Leicester home, and enjoying it as much as he was. He felt Ben’s fingers tug into his hair and John finally decided to take the boy fully in. He wrapped his hand around the base and guided the erection into his mouth, closing his lips around his shaft. He slowly but surely started bobbing his head up and down, hollowing his cheek and feeling the sweet taste of the boy on his tongue. He heard Ben mumble curse words, his hands gripping his hair tighter with every inch he took in.

John moaned, his own cock throbbing insanely in his boxers, the feeling of his lips stretching around Ben made him incredibly horny. Ben moaned sweetly and John picked up his pace wanting to bring the boy to the edge, close but not enough to make him cum. 

”John, John, John”

John’s grip on Ben’s hips tightened, stopping him from lifting his hips.

”F-fuck I’m going to cum” 

It was a warning, John could sense it so he slowed down and removed his mouth from Ben’s cock. A string of saliva following his lips as he took him out of his mouth. John gave Ben’s tip one last lick before kissing a trail up Ben’s body stopping when they were face to face, noses bumping. He smirked, the boy was a mess, his cheeks pink and pupils blown, although he must’ve looked the same. 

”You taste so fucking good”

Ben blushed, leaning up to close the gap between them, tasting himself on John’s lips. Their hips thrusting against each other, he felt Ben’s erection slide against his own clothed cock. The friction making him light headed. Ben’s hand gripping onto his hip as the other found it’s way into John’s curls. He felt Ben’s parted lips against his cheek, his warm breath and shaky moans escaping him right into John’s ear.

”I need you to fuck me” 

”Okay” John nodded, hands already moving to take his underwear off. 

He felt Ben moving, wanting to shift on to his belly but John instantly stopped the younger man. 

”No, like this” John said ”I want to see you” 

Ben bit his lip trying to hide a smile, he nodded spreading his legs further apart. 

John threw his boxers somewhere on the floor before leaning to grab the bottle of lube on Ben’s nightstand. He coated his fingers before bringing them down between the left back parted legs. He ran them along the space between the boys balls and hole, hearing Ben whimper at the sensation. John rubbed his thumb against the boy’s hole, feeling it twitch beneath his fingertip. He slowly slid his finger in, Ben took it with ease having done this before. He felt the left back’s walls close around him and John crooked his finger in search for that sweet spot. It didn’t take long for him to find it and when he did he felt Ben’s whole body react. 

He moaned as John rubbed his finger repeatedly against the spot. The sound’s Ben made made his own cock twitch. John was leaking precum, he was so hard and he hadn’t even touched himself yet. John pushed a second finger in, stretching Ben’s tight hole. Ben pushed his hips back against his finger desperate for more and John loved watching him when he got like that, when he wanted John to fill him up.

”I need more”

”You want more?”

”Yeah” Ben moaned.

And John inserted a third finger, he knew Ben wanted his cock but John wanted him to beg for it. Ben’s hands gripped the sheets, his hair stuck to his forehead, eyes rolled back in pleasure, hips meeting John’s working fingers. He was absolutely gorgeous. John was tempted to make him cum like that, untouched, fingerfucking him but his own cock screamed otherwise. 

”I need, I need your cock John... I need you to fuck me now” Ben said in between moans of pleasure.

”What’s the word?” John said putting on his authoritative voice, the one that made Ben weak.

”Please” Ben asked, his eyes wide and innocent and there was no way John wasn’t going to fuck the innocence out of him.

“You’re such a good boy aren’t you baby?”

Ben nodded.

John gave his own cock a few strokes, coating it with precum and lube, making it nice and slick. He slowly aligned himself with Ben’s entrance and slowly pushed the tip in. They were chest to chest, breathing into one another's space, incredibly close. He felt the left backs walls close around him, the tightness making his head spin.  _ It felt incredible.  _

He pushed in deeper and deeper until every inch was inside the younger man. He waited for the boy to relax and adjust to his length before moving. He started out slow, fucking him deep, searching for his spot. Ben’s arms were wrapped around him and as soon as his tip brushed against it Ben grip got tighter, nails digging into John’s skin. He cried out in pleasure as John thrusted his hips hard into him, fucking him hard and agonisingly slow.

They’d never done this before, he always fucked Ben from behind. This _ , this felt different. _ It felt more intimate, like they were acknowledging what they were doing, like John was confessing something. He buried his face in the crook of Ben’s neck, his thoughts getting the better of him but Ben didn’t let him. The boy lifted his head and looked into John’s eyes.

”I want to see you” Ben said, saying John’s words right back at him and John couldn’t help but give the boy a kiss. Fucking him harder and harder, until Ben’s whimpers turned into filthy moans. They kept eye contact and John felt a foreign feeling creep up. His heart beating faster than usual. Ben was having an effect on him, one he didn’t usually have. John suddenly felt aware of every little detail about the boy, every little move. The way Ben’s fingers lightly scratched at the nape of his neck, how his pink lips parted beautifully, how he felt certain he could drown in his blue eyes if he stared long enough. It was driving him mad. He tried to push it all back fucking Ben harder, trying to concentrate on something else but he couldn’t, the feeling only grew stronger.  _ Fuck, he was falling for Ben Chilwell. _

Sweat was dripping down his forehead, fucking Ben with relentless speed, unable to keep his own moans from escaping him. It felt so good, he hadn’t had a fuck this good in months, his head was spinning. Ben had tears of pleasure running down his cheek. They were fucking like the world was ending. Every thrust making Ben’s cock twitch, precum streaming out of the boy’s tip. 

Everything was a blur after that point, they fucked for a few more minutes, hard and fast. John wasn’t sure which one of them came first but they both came so hard their whole bodies reacted. His toes curled in pleasure, Ben’s eyes rolling back at the feeling. John dropped himself next to the left back on the bed, trying to regain control of his breathing. They both sounded like they’d just played a full 90 minute game. He looked over at the boy, who was coming down from his own orgasm, he looked stunning. His face and body glistening from their session, his hair a mess yet somehow looking like an intentional mess. John was convinced he would be able to stare at the boy for hours, just mapping out every detail of his face in him memory. The boy looked at him, unsure eye’s flickering between John and anywhere else. He was unable to keep eye contact and John wondered, maybe just maybe, Ben had felt it too.

“Can you hold me?”Ben asked and John felt his heart skip a beat.

“Y-yeah ‘course”

He pulled the boy close to his chest, trying to ignore the growing feeling inside of him, hoping Ben didn’t notice the fact that his heart was beating out of his chest.

”Forgot how good that feels” Ben mumbled and John felt him smile against his chest. 

“Yeah me too” John’s hand finding its way into Ben’s soft hair.

“You’re staying tonight right?”

“If you want me too”

“I want you too”

“Then I’m going nowhere”

“Good” Ben smiled.

***

He woke up the next morning by the sound of his alarm going off. He opened his heavy lids, feeling slightly disoriented for a split second before realising where he was. The morning sun peaking through the blinds making him squint. He was in Ben’s bed with the other man sleeping next to him,  _ well, _ he had been sleeping before the alarm had woken them both up. It had taken him a minute to realise it was his own alarm going off, his phone ringing in the pocket of his jeans. He grunted and leaned down to get his phone, stopping the annoying ringtone quickly. It was 8am and the alarm was to remind him of training.  _ Training, fuck, _ he’d forgot. He swore quietly to himself dropping back against the pillow. He’d completely forgotten about training. Ben shifted awake beside him, blinking slowly, somehow still looking good with bed hair.

“Sorry” John said in a quiet voice and he saw Ben smile, his sleepy face pressed against the pillow.

“I was awake”

“You’re such a bad liar”

“Maybe” Ben mumbled, he looked at John, eyes somehow bluer and more mesmerizing than they had been yesterday. “What was that all about then?” He asked.

“I completely forgot I have a training session today” 

“Don’t you guys have the week off?”

“No, not this week, we’re playing West Ham this weekend”

“Right” 

“How do you forget about training?” Ben chuckled asked brows furrowed.

“I don’t know, I was caught up in this and it just slipped my mind... Fuck Pep’s going to be so pissed” John groaned, he could already sense the disappointment and the anger. 

John wasn’t in Pep’s good books at the moment, he’d told John he didn’t believe the defender took his job seriously, questioning his professionalism, he didn’t believe John wanted to prove he deserves his spot. Which was bullshit obviously, John thought, It was all an excuse for Pep to justify not playing him. He didn’t like the crypticness of the coach, he knew Pep didn’t like him for some reason and his injury had been the perfect excuse.

“When does it start?” Ben asked looking at his own phone for the clock.    
  


“In 45” John said. “I’ll call in sick, tell them my therapist advised me to have a day off or something”  _ Which technically wasn’t a lie. _

“John…” Ben said and he gave him that look John hated that look that was filled with pity.

“Don’t look at me like that”

“Like what” 

“Like you feel sorry for me”

“I don’t feel sorry for you, I’m just trying to figure out how you could forget that you had training today” Ben said jokingly and John couldn’t help but smile at him giving him the middle finger.

“It’s your fault for distracting me”

“Is that what you’re going to tell Pep?” Ben raised his eyebrows, biting his lips and John felt his blood rush south, he knew  _ that look. _

“Yeah I’ll tell him this was all a masterplan from Brendan Rodgers who’s told you to seduce me and distract me so we don’t have any centre backs left allowing you guys to snatch that second spot in the league table”

“How did you know?” Ben asked with a devilish smirk, throwing one leg in between John’s legs, getting closer to him. The boy rested his chin on his hands on that were on top of John’s naked chest, looking up at him all doe eyed.

“Got good instincts” 

Ben kissed him sweetly. If it had been anyone else he would have complained about morning breath but for some reason he didn’t care with Ben, he just wanted to kiss him. He’d never get tired of the feeling, craving his lips when they weren’t on him. They didn’t usually kiss if they weren’t having sex or about too but then again they usually didn’t spend the night at each others places. And if they did John would normally be long gone before Ben woke up. It was just his thing when it came to one night stands, and whatever he had with Ben, leaving before the sun rose meant no commitment, no awkward conversations or goodbye’s. But he’d stayed today, he’d stayed.  _ Why had he stayed? _

“Ben” John mumbled, pulling away from the kiss. He suddenly felt a bit overwhelmed, his mind going 1000mph. He was slowly catching feelings for Ben and he couldn’t let it happen, he wouldn’t let it happen. Everything John touched, he somehow managed to ruin and he wouldn’t let himself do that to Ben, he wouldn’t let himself ruin the one good thing he had in his life that that took him away from everything else happening. He wouldn’t.  _ He needed to leave. _

“Mmhm”

“I need to leave” He said and watched the boy’s brows furrow in protest.

“No stay, I’ve got no plans. I’ll make us breakfast and we can just chill all day and do nothing” Ben smiled, moving his thumb along John’s stubble, eyes never leaving his lips. John forced himself to move away from the touch, shifting away from the boy completely.

“I can’t I’m sorry” He stood up from the bed, walking away trying to find his clothes that were scattered all over Ben’s bedroom floor. “I’ve got an things to do” he said coldly and he felt Ben’s confused stare at him. Confused at the sudden change in behavior probably. Confused as to why John suddenly was in a hurry.

“What plans?” 

“Promised Liv I’d take her out on a date today” John lied. It wasn’t completely untrue, he had promised her a date, just not on this specific day. He saw the left back flinch at the mention of his girlfriends name, looking at John like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The boy still wrapped up in the white fluffy bed sheets, brown locks falling on his forehead. 

“Don’t give me that look”

“You’re shameless” The boy scoffed.

“What? What do you want me to say? She’s my girlfriend Ben” He grew a bit more irritated at the left back. He didn’t like when people questioned his behavior, especially if he knew he was in the wrong. John didn’t need reminding of what a dick he was.

“You don’t love her though” 

“I do” He said quickly, he did love her or at least he thought he did. Ben was acting like he knew shit about John, he didn’t know Olivia, he didn’t know about their relationship.

“Yeah right. If you loved her so much you wouldn’t be sleeping with me”

“It’s not the same, me and you fuck because it’s fun okay? It’s convenient for both of us. I like sex, I like having sex with you, but Liv’s my actual girlfriend and I love her”

“Wow okay, So I’m just a convenience to you then, good to know” Ben said looking hurt by the words that had escaped John’s mouth. He hadn’t meant them, not at all. But he couldn’t tell Ben that.

“You know that’s not what I meant” John tried.

“No it’s alright I heard you loud and clear mate” Ben wouldn’t look at him, he kept staring at the window and John felt angry, sad, heartbroken and frustrated all at once.

“Don’t give me that, you know what this is, we’re not a thing Ben” John blurted out. It was true, they weren’t a _ thing.  _ He needed to stop acting like it, he needed it to stop.

“I would really like for you to leave now John” Ben said bluntly.

“I was already going” He walked away. 

_ Walking away, _ he was good at that.

He felt his anxiety build up, everything getting a bit too much. He paced out of the left back’s house, driving away as fast as he could. He needed to get away from Ben, he needed to get away from it all. Everything just happened so fast, he didn’t know what to do. He called the one person he knew would calm him down.

“Mum”

“Hi John, how are you darling” 

“Mum I need you to talk to me, I need you to calm me down” He said, trying to explain with as little words as possible. His mum’s voice always helped him through his anxiety, it was a comfort thing. 

“Baby what’s wrong?” She said, sounding worried.  _ Everything, _ he thought,  _ everything is wrong _ .

“Just-just tell me about your day or something” 

He listened to his Mum’s voice through the speaker on his phone as he drove back home again, leaving Leicester and leaving Ben behind. He somehow felt even more lost driving home than he had on the drive to Ben. 

***

The rest of the day had been tough, every minute trying to forget about what had just happened between him and the left back, and at the same time trying to dig himself out of the hole he’d dug himself in with Pep. He’d gone in, despite him calling in sick, he’d needed to keep his mind occupied for a bit. He’d missed training with the other lads of course but he’d spent most of his time at the gym instead. Kyle had come over and talked to him, but only for a bit. Sometimes it felt like they’d grown apart...he kind of felt like the older man had grown tired of him. People usually did after a while, if they spent enough time with him. Or at least that’s what it felt like.

He felt like Kyle was blaming him for his break up with his missus. He’d told him that when it had all first unfolded, they’d had a whole argument about it. He’d told John that he was a bad influence on him, how immature he was and how Kyle was a grown adult and how he shouldn’t be out partying and how John shouldn’t have brought girls over. He’d blamed John for it all. He’d apologized after of course, but the words stuck and it just didn’t feel like how it used too. 

It had slowly been eating him up, it felt like he’d lost a best mate and now after everything with Ben unfolded it felt like he’d lost him as well. He’d tried to distance himself from Ben to avoid catching feelings for him, but he’d just ended up fucking up the one thing he had left, the one person he truly cared about.  _ Classic John, always fucking things up. _

John repeated everything to his therapist that same evening, leaving out the parts about Ben of course. Sometimes it just felt good to talk to someone, someone who just listened.

***

Not one text, not even one response. John had wrote him about four texts before he stopped, embarrassed at how desperate he’d sounded.

mon 3 feb. 19:46 

**_Hi x_ **

mon 3 feb. 19:47 

**_Sorry for yesterday_ **

sun 9 feb. 22:11

**_Going to Dubai tomorrow, you still there?_ **

sun 9 feb. 23:48

**_Can we talk?_ **

It was now the 14th,  _ Valentines day, how ironic, _ and he still hadn’t heard from Ben _. _ John was in Dubai,  _ Dubai,  _ he laughed to himself. Ben had been a few days ago, he’d booked the trip hoping they’d catch each other but of course they hadn’t, it was like Ben could sense John’s presence only to avoid him. He’d turned on the Leicester game, not being able to resist seeing the boy play. Leicester were playing Wolves and Ben was starting of course. It wasn’t the first time he’d put on a Leicester game this season, if he hadn’t known better he would’ve thought he was slowly turning into a Leicester fan. 

”Are you seriously not coming?” Olivia asked, as she put her heal’s on, slight annoyance in her tone. She was getting ready for a night out with Alex, his fiance Vlada, Kevin and Michele. “It’s Valentine's day”

”We already had dinner” John muttered from his spot on the sofa, in their luxury suite. It looked like a penthouse, way too big for just the two of them. He’d ordered a big bouquet of flowers and they’d had a romantic dinner by the beach, what more did she want? 

“Stay here and watch the game with me, if you so badly want my company” John tried, he knew that it was unfair and that Olivia wouldn’t turn down a good party, with or without him.

”Seriously?” She scoffed, unamused, as she checked herself out on the floor length mirror. 

She had a short black dress and red lipstick, she looked nice and he could sense that she was annoyed with him. He should’ve felt bad for ditching the plans but he didn’t. He didn’t feel in the mood to party and he wanted to watch the game.  _ He wanted to see Ben. _ He felt stupid but he missed him, more than he normally did and the silent treatment was killing him. He just wanted to see him.

The door shut behind her and John was left alone with the only sound coming from the tv. The loud commentators describing the gameplay by detail. He sat back and relaxed, taking it all in, his eyes immediately finding the number 3 on the screen. He was gorgeous, hair wet from the rain, shirt sticking to his body. John felt his heart skip a beat whenever anyone from the other team tried to tackle the boy. 

The way his body moved as he gracefully ran around the pitch had his eyes transfixed. John could help but thinking back to all their nights together. How it felt like being with Ben. He remembers their first night together like it was yesterday. 

They’d been out celebrating something, someones birthday. Maybe it had been Maguires, he couldn’t remember. They’d been in one of those fancy night clubs, that had their own VIP area. Both of them had been a bit tipsy, just tipsy not drunk. Ben had for some reason glued himself to John’s side, he’d laughed at John jokes and he’d leaned in and whispered stuff to John that had made him laugh. Chemistry bouncing of one another. They’d been sat in a corner away from the other lads, glued to the hips, but no one noticed. 

He couldn’t exactly put a finger on the moment it had all changed from friendly banter to flirting but it had, and he hadn’t really thought twice about leaning in and closing the gap between them. It felt like they’d done it a thousand times before. John remembers them making out, tasting the alcohol on Ben’s lips but also something else, something sweet. He remembered how easy it was, and how fucking good and different it felt from any other drunken kiss he’d had. He remembered how he’d broken off the kiss when he’d felt his blood rushing south, when he’d felt himself getting turned on. 

John reached for the remote and paused the game, the freeze frame freezing on a close up of Ben. John laughed to himself, because  _ of course it would. _ He palmed his soft dick through the material, feeling himself getting harder as he thought back to the vivid memory of their first night together. Tugging and massaging it, growing harder and harder, he layed back against the couch, eye’s stuck on the boy on the screen, mind somewhere else.

Ben had somehow seen how turned on he’d been and suggested that they’d find somewhere a bit more private. They’d escaped from the group and ended up back in Ben’s room at St. George. Their lips crashing against each other, both of their hard ons straining in their pants. 

John had never had sex with a man before that night, he’d known he was into guys or at least he’d had a hunch. He’d realised when he’d slipped into the bisexual genre of Pornhub slowly finding himself masturbating to more and more gay porn a few years back. He’d jerked off with his mates before and even jerked some of them off but he’d never actually fucked a guy. The idea of doing so didn’t turn him off, on the contrary, it excited him. John always knew he enjoyed sex, he’d never been ashamed of it, whether it was with a man or a woman, it didn’t really matter to him. Sex was Sex, it felt good.

John slipped his hand underneath his waistband as he remembered the beautiful visual of Ben on all fours, moaning as John fingered him open. Their pants hanging low around their thighs, not bothering taking them off. 

He started stroking his hard cock as the visuals of fucking Ben to oblivion that night, flashed into his mind. He could still remember the sweet sound’s he’d made, how he’d begged John to go harder. How tight he’d been and how convinced John had been he wouldn’t be able to last. He hadn’t had a fuck that good in ages, he remembered thinking.

John pulled his pants down to his waist, freeing his rock hard cock. He should’ve been ashamed of how fast he’d got hard at the thought of the left back, but he was used to it by now. There wasn’t a single minute passing by where he didn’t think of Ben, even when he fucked Olivia, the boy would pop into his mind. He stroked his cock hard and fast, pulling up his phone, searching for a specific video he’d taken back in November. He clicked on his and watched the scene unfold. It was a video of Ben on his knees, sucking John off. Innocent eyes glistening in the video as his wet lips worked around John’s length. He’d watched the 15 second video about a hundred times by now but everytime he watched it it never failed sending him over the edge.

He came into his fist, pumping himself through his orgasm, spilling white liquid into his fist. His breathing was quick, trying to regain some sort of pattern. He looked down at the mess he’d made, shame washing over him.

His head was spinning, the thoughts coming all at once. He’d never been this consumed by someone before, it was driving him insane. The only thing on his mind was  _ Ben, Ben, Ben.  _ He needed to get him out, he needed it to stop.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to forget about him. Ben clearly wasn’t thinking about him, he clearly found it easy to forget about John and he needed to do the same. He had a stunning girlfriend, he was in Dubai for fucks sake and he was still pining over the man on the screen in front of him. He needed to get a grip over himself. He quickly got up from the sofa and got dressed, booking a car to the party.

Everyone had been over the moon when he’d arrived, Olivia kissing him. He’d come up with an excuse about how he felt bad for ditching. He’d immediately got on the drinks, downing one after one. He wanted to get drunk,  _ so he did. _

***

The music from the speakers pumped through his ears, people talking loudly over the beat. He had his drink in his hand, or maybe it was Olivia’s drink, he couldn’t remember. Yeah, it was hers, he took a sip anyways. Where even was she? He was so drunk, he could feel it. He’d found that the best way to forget about Ben was to party, drink and fuck. He felt disgusting in the morning but at least he it was the only time he’d forget about the left back. So that’s what he’d been doing the past couple of nights, they’d been going out every night and Olivia wasn’t complaining.

He walked out into a more quiet area, for some reason, in his drunken state, he though giving Ben a call was a great idea. He missed him, he needed to hear his voice. John knew he wouldn’t pick up, he’d probably see John’s name on the screen and-

”What do you want John?”

He suddenly heard the left back on the line.

“Didn’t think you’d pick up” John said, surprised. He really hadn’t expected Ben to pick up. “I- I miss you” He said.

“Are you drunk?”   
  


“NO- maybe, just a little bit”

“For fucks sake and you’re at a party?” Ben scoffed in disappointment and John flinched.The music in the background filtered through and people were coming and going around him.   
  


“Listen Ben I was a dick, I know I was” He started, trying hard not to stumble on his words. His thoughts going too fast for the speed his mouth.

“John I’m not going to have this conversation whilst you’re drunk”

“I can’t stop thinking about you, I can’t, I’ve tried so sososo hard”

“You’re drunk” Ben repeated. _ It didn’t make the words less true though _ .

”I know and you hate me, It’s okay I hate myself too, but- but I just needed to hear your voice” John admitted, he could lie to himself over and over again and try to convince himself that he didn’t need Ben, that he didn’t miss him. The truth was, he 

Ben was quiet and for a second John thought he’d ended the call, but then he heard the boy sigh.

”I don’t hate you John” Ben said his tone calmer and sincere. ”I wish I could” He whispered.

”Baby” John started.

”I can’t do this- I gotta go” 

He heard the quick beeps in his ear.

”Don’t- Fuck!” John swore, banging is foot against the decorative plant in frustration. 

“Who the fuck was that?”

He heard a female voice, one he recognised instantly.

“Olivia- No one, it was no one” 

She came close to him, right in his space, eyes filled with tears and anger. John’s mind going into panic.  _ How much had she heard? _

“John don’t fucking lie to me I just heard you! Who is she?!” She shoved him back pointing at his chest. 

“Can we not fucking do this here? There’s no  _ ‘she’ _ ” He tried, because that part was actually true.

“I should’ve fucking known, you’ve been acting weird this whole trip”   
  


“Liv-”   
  


“No get away from me, don’t fucking touch me!”

She stormed away leaving him. He felt peoples stares burning into him, judging him. He wanted to disappear. He walked out of there, needing space, needing air. He felt the tears stream down his cheek, his emotions getting the better of him, he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He felt like a fucking failure.

***

The next day he’d woken up by the sound of someone knocking at his door. He almost sprinted out of his bed. Hoping Olivia had come back so that they could talk it out, he’d come up with some excuse and they’d be able to go back to normal. He opened the door and his hopes were instantly crushed. It was just Kevin.

“Hey” The belgian said.

“She told you guys didn’t she?” John sighed opening the door for Kevin to come in.   
  


“Yeah”

“How is she?”

John asked as he dropped himself on the couch waiting for Kev to do the same. 

“What do you think? She’s heartbroken mate” Kevin scoffed at the ridiculous question, dropping himself down next to him.

“Fuck” John sighed dropping his face in his hands. “I didn’t mean for it to happen”

“John, do you want my honesty?” 

Kevin looked at him and John gave him a nod. He needed to hear it. Kevin was someone he knew would never lie to him, he wouldn’t sugar coat things to make John feel better. He liked that about the other man. He always appreciated his opinion.

“I don’t think you’re ready to settle down, you can’t keep getting in relationships and break these girls hearts, they have feelings too you know” Kevin said frankly, being as blunt as he could without making John hate himself more than he already did. He knew that Kevin was right, he knew it but… It had been different this time, in a way. It wasn’t some quick one night stand with a girl he’d met at a party, no, He’d fallen for Ben. He hadn’t planned for any of it and he knew he shouldn’t have gotten involved with the boy in the first place but he hadn’t been able to stop himself even though he’d tried so hard.

“I know, but I really liked Olivia” John said trying to make sense of it all. It was true, he did like her but it just wasn’t in the same way as he’d liked Ben.

“If you really liked her you wouldn’t be hooking up with some random chick on the side”

“It’s not some random chick”

“It sounded like it-”

“It’s Ben” John blurted out. He hadn’t fucked some random chick he’d fucked Ben.

“Ben?” Kevin looked at him confused. “Who’s Ben?”

“Ben, as in Chilwell, plays left back for Leicester” John explained, his heart beating out of his chest.

“Yeah I know who Ben Chilwell is! You’ve been sleeping with Ben Chilwell?” Kevin looked at him in disbelief. It was a lot to take in.

“Yeah”

“Fuck I didn’t know, I didn’t know you were into guys?” 

“Yeah well now you know” 

“John...”

“What?” He snapped, he didn’t need another lecture about how it was a bad idea, how sleeping with his England teammate could have consequences. “Look everything you’re going to say I’ve already told myself. I know I’m a piece of shit for lying and sleeping with my teammate behind my girlfriends back. I know I shouldn’t be in relationships because I always end up fucking things up. I know I shouldn’t have slept with Ben and I know I shouldn’t have caught feelings for him, but here we fucking are!”

“You have feelings for him?” Kevin asked, his tone way calmer that John’s. Giving him a sympathetic look.

“Yeah and it fucking scares me...I can’t stop thinking about him, I can’t get him out of my mind. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before” John threw his head back against the couch looking up at the ceiling, searching for some kind of answer to it all.

“You love him don’t you?” Kevin said, a small knowing smile on his lips. 

John shook his head, he didn’t know. Maybe he did love Ben. Maybe the burning feeling inside him because of the left back had something to do with his feelings for him. He couldn’t stand Ben not talking to him, he couldn’t stand the two of them being apart. He’d never craved someone’s touch as much as he did Ben’s. Maybe he knew he loved him from the moment he sat in his car to drive to Leicester. Maybe he’d just been stupid enough not to admit his feelings for the boy. It wasn’t ‘maybe’, it was definitely.

“I love him” John looked at Kev, who must’ve seen the look of horror in his face. “Fuck”

“Have you told him?”

“Of course I haven’t, he hates my guts. I tried calling him yesterday, that’s when Olivia walked in” John explained and the boy had every right to hate him, the way he’d treated him.

“Why do you you think he hates you?”

“Because I told him us sleeping together meant nothing and that it was a convenience”

“Fucks sake John” Kevin said looking at John in disappointment, but not surprised.

“I know”

“You have to break things up with Olivia”

“I know” He repeated. He was well aware and he was pretty sure Olivia would make much protest either.

“And then you have to make things right with Ben” Kevin continued.

“I can’t, he won’t even talk to me” 

“Of course you can John, you love him and he clearly cares about you otherwise he wouldn’t have picked up the phone yesterday” Kevin said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He looked at John with expecting eyes, and maybe, john thought, maybe it was worth making a shot.

“You think?”

“I’m certain”

***

It was late and somehow he’d ended up in front of Ben’s front door. Heart beating out of his chest, mind going a thousand miles per minute. He went from thinking this was a brilliant idea to the worst idea he’d ever come up with. But it was to late he’d already made the trip and at the very least he needed to make things right with Ben. He had to.

He rang the bell, waiting for Ben to answer it. It didn’t take long for the boy to answer the door. Opening it, the blue eyes looking back at him. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of the brunette, he was gorgeous, everything about him.  _ God, _ he’d missed him so much.

“What are you doing here?” He asked tone both confused and surprised.

“I broke up with her” John said quickly.

“What?”

“I broke up with Olivia” He repeated and Ben swallowed, looking down at his feet. He looked like he hadn’t expected John to say that, which was a good sign, right?

“I couldn’t leave things like that. I felt bad, I just- can I come in?” John asked looking around him, he couldn’t do this outside he needed to explain everything.

“Yeah shit, sorry” Ben opened the door to invite John in. John felt his heartbeat slow down at the familiarity of the place, how many memories of him and Ben were kept within the walls. How everything smelt like Ben, like home.

“Don’t you have a game tomorrow?” 

“I’m not in the squad”

“So you drove down to Leicester?” Ben asked trying to make sense of it all, it looked like all his thoughts were spinning in his head as well.

“I had to see you” 

“You broke my heart John” He looked up at him, voice cracking, eyes glossy. And John hated himself for hurting him, he’d wanted to protect him, not hurt him. John moved closed into Ben’s space, laying his hands on the left back’s cheeks. Surprisingly, the boy let him.

“I know, I know” John whispered. “I fucked up so bad. I never wanted to hurt you Ben, I thought I was protecting you”

“From who?”

“Myself” John let out a scoff, the disappointing reality that was his mind. He didn’t know why it had made sense at the time. “I always manage to hurt people Ben, I always fuck things up with the people I care about the most. It’s like I’m scared of losing the things I love so I push them away instead”

“You love me?”   
  


“I do” 

Ben looked at him lost for words.

“I’m not perfect, far from it but I promise I’ll try to be better, I want to be better for you. I don’t know how a guy like you would want to be with a guy like me. Look at me I’m a fucking mess.” John let out a sad laugh. ”But I’ll promise I’ll be better. I know I was a dick, I wasn’t ready to admit what was happening between us-”

”You love me as in you’re in love with me?”

”I’m in love with you Ben Chilwell” John said again and Ben was searching his eyes for a sign of something, a joke?

”Look you don’t have to-” John started but instantly got cut off by Ben’s lips crashing on to his. John melted into the kiss, it felt like the first time all over again. John had never believed in fireworks but that kiss came damn close to it. Ben pulled away breathless, hands holding John’s face.

”I love you too John”

**Author's Note:**

> This was so much fun to write and I'm so happy I finished it!! This ship is very self indulgent (I know) but I hope that even if you maybe don't ship them I've maybe made you see the light ;) Come over and talk to me on TUMBLR btw, i'm: Trentvandijk <3<3<3


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